Now or never.

I'm going to save you the spiel of why I haven't been posting and just get right into it.

For many of you that I know it is now the last week of your final year of university and you are a month or so away from graduating.

Well I hate to break it to you but this is your last chance to do all those things you wanted to do, like bring a girl home or just kiss a certain person or tell someone exactly how you feel. Or whatever it was you thought you were going to do before you got here. It is now or it is never.

You might be stressed to high hell with dissertations and essays and moving out but just for one moment stop and take a breath and figure out if there is one last shindig you want to throw and what you are going to do at it. Once this week is over, that's it. Exams will be done and then you'll graduate and then you have to enter the real world and i'm telling you, it's no fun.

So if not for you, then do it for me so for one evening I can live vicariously through you. But seriously, this is the last chance you have to leave an impression, so go out with a bang or several of them. Take that chance and in the morning your head will hurt and your dissertation will still be screaming at you but hey, you had fun, you survived and now you are fine.

Get up, brush it off, walk away.

Now or never.

Sami
Xox

Who are you?

It's time guys. 

Time we had one of those talks. 

Yeah, groan all you want, but unfortunately, it has to be said.

So here it is.

This is your life.

Are you living it?

One of the things I noticed lately is that I'm pretty unsure of people. I look at them sometimes and wonder who the fuck they are and how they got to be in my life. I know that sounds a bit questionable but really, take a look at the person sitting next to you, or the person upstairs. How well do you really know them? I don't mean to make you paranoid about your friendships but these are the things that cross my mind. I walked past someone today and I was close to them for a long time and today my eyes finally opened. I have no motherfucking idea who that person is. No, I don't have amneisa or dementia, or anything. I mean, I know who that person is, but I don't know who they are. I don't know all the things about them that maybe I'd like to know and they've changed most likely, in the time that we have no longer been close. 

Then I got to thinking about myself. How well do I know myself? I'd like to think I know who I am, what defines me, what I do and don't like. And I do. I know myself but I also know that it's time I started making myself happier and living my life a little more. So I'm starting right here, right now. I just took a shower and painted my toenails hot pink with a nail polish called Siren and now every time I look down and see them it'll put a smile on my face, because why the hell not have hot pink toe-nails? I'd paint my finger nails too but I can't due to work circumstances which is unfortunate, but what can you do.

A friend once told me that 'You don't find yourself, you define yourself' and at first I was a little suspicious but now, he has a point. You should know yourself and if you're lost, then have a cup of twinings (see what I did there?) or get a map, you know exactly who you are. So I'm taking my hot-pink toenails and defining myself. This is my life and I am going to start living it the way I want too. After-all life is both the shortest and longest thing we have available to us. 

Be sure that I will start sharing information with you about how I'm changing the rules and defining myself. And just incase you didn't get my point, here's a final reminder:

It's time guys. 

This is your life.

Are you living it?

Beautiful Men.

So I know it's been roughly two weeks since my break up and I am by no means jumping bacck on the bandwagan and riding off again but I have been chatting to some peeps on the dating websites. Today, a beautiful man messaged me and informed me i was hot, well he was beautiful so who was i to argue. But turns out, beautiful men just want sexytimes and I am really not for doing that, no matter how beautiful. 

All this thinking about the future and finding a new match to make originally had me kinda happy, flirting away and having fun, nothing too serious but then you realise all the things about yourself that make you who you are and that you are going to have to find another someone who will accept all of those things about you and vice versa and that is where things get complicated.

You go into these things thinking it'll be easy, he seems nice and fun and it's all good and then he'll say something that crosses your lines/limits and then you have to awkwardly explain yourself. I guess that's called getting to know someone but it's so long and complicated and argh, why is it never easy. why can't you just download all the key facts and figures about people and then you definitely know where you stand. Oh life, lol.

 I've began noticing certain things that are a bit strange now that I'm single, like you get so used to rolling over in bed and there being a warm body next to you and you mumble what you're thinking, but now when i roll over, it's just the cold side of the pillow. And I half miss the way bodies press together, hips against hips. There are other things too, like the way people see you. If you belong to someone, people are afraid to hug/touch you for fear of getting glared at but once you're free, it's a fair playing field lol. 

Well i think i've rambled on enough. I know there is a beautiful man out there for me somewhere and maybe one day we'll cross paths, but for today, i'm away to have food and a shower and relax.

See you on the flip side.

Isn't it funny.

Isn't it funny, how humans interact with each other?

You can meet someone and then you grow close to them and then in a moment, you are distant once again. This has happened to me recently with a friend and I think it's funny how in the time when we were close, that we managed to help each other move up in the world by getting new jobs or improving certain things and now, we barely manage to say hello to each other.

Maybe it's not funny but instead it is sad. Sad that two people once so close are now broken apart. But what can you do other than try and move on with your life and hope that the other person is happy too?

So on a happier note, I really don't have anything to say, my brain is melted from all the crap i've been taking in lately and I'm tired from work and emotions. 

So I'm just going to ask you, that if you are here, reading this, then leave a comment so I don't feel so alone.

And you wouldn't want me to feel lonely now would you?

What a slut time is.

I was sitting with my mum earlier, browsing the internets as you do and the television was on in the background. I wasn't really paying much attention until the words "Kate and William - One year on!" were spoken and then I was like WHAT! HOLY HELL, IT HASN'T BEEN A YEAR HAS IT? But unfortunately, it has/will be on april 29th. And now I'm like, holy hell, my life is going far too fast. John Green had it right when he said: "What a slut time is, she screws everybody". Hence the blog title this evening!

Anyway, I didn't really have anything to talk about today until about five minutes ago. As most of you know, I've been going through a break-up recently and yes, while I may have been the one to do the breaking, I was upset and sad for a few days, so in order to make myself feel better, my friend suggested I go on dating websites, because everyone loves a bit of attention.

Now I'm not actually sure that this worked because while I feel better about the way things happened, I don't feel like anyone on any of these websites helped me feel good about myself, sure logging in and seeing that you have 10 new messages is fine, but then you read through them and they are all HEY BBZ WANNA CH8T? you are just like, no thank you for your time though. 

That's what first interested me in my ex, his email he had actually put some thought into and took the time to read my profile and ask me relevant questions. And now having reignited my profile on certain sites, I feel hopeless that I'll ever find someone decent when their messages are as above. Also, I'm quite happy to be alone right now and going online literally was to try and make myself feel better, though I did manage to find a few new friends and some I already own. Haha.

Also, the one thing that has made me feel better, came from 8hours and a million miles away. I used to work with him and I never really gave him a chance when we worked together because I hated the job and then never went back. He added me on facebook and popped up when he saw I was single at which point I was just like go away, but tonight I thought fine, I'll talk to him and hope he leaves me alone afterwards, but now hearing what he has to say has improved my attitude. 

He told me that I was one of the only girls he had met during his time over here that was intellectual and appreciated him as a human being, that I had a golden heart and of course, that he was a fan of me. All of which is ironic, funny and somewhat cute. I just appreciated how he was the one person I didn't want to talk to and he is now the one person that has made me smile because he reminded me that once I was a person who appreciated other human beings.

And I think that's what the lesson is here, sometimes we forget 'every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.' So if you do one thing today, or tomorrow, try not to forget that you and everyone around is human and sometimes, we all need a little love.

I feel too deeply and want too much.

So BEDA is turning into Blog Every Other Day April, Beoda. Haha. 

Yesterday I was running around town buying last minute things for my big night out. I also briefly stopped by a friends house and then went running back into town, it helped inspire me to do some retail therapy. 

I went and got new make-up, for a few months now I've been experimenting with my skincare/facial/make up routine. My skin is super sensitive to absolutely everything so I have to be super careful what I put on it. I tried St Ives Apricot Scrub which is highly recommended around these here parts and at first I did like the feel of it and it does make my face feel clean and alive, but its a bit harsh to use everyday so I only use it about once a week.

I'm currently in the market for a good moisturiser for dry/sensitive skin. I'm currently using Simple Derma because it doesnt make my face explode but I would definitely like something better that will actually take care of my face/skin. 

When I asked the lady in boots what foundations she'd recommend for dry skin, she suggested Soap and Glory, some one I cant remember and Revlon ColourStay. I decided to try the Revlon one because I remembered reading about it somewhere and it came in two types, one for normal/dry skin and the other for combination/oily skin. It felt alright but I wasnt all that impressed, it didnt really do much for me that the foundation I had already been using did. 

The other night I was doing more research on good foundations and primers, I originally started a search for reviews for the new revlon photostay primer which seems to be doing the rounds today but then I found makeupalley and read the reviews there and most people seemed to recommend Illamasqua Satin Primer which looked good, although slightly pricey at £19.50 a bottle, but seriously this stuff is amazing and a little goes a long way.

I also found that one of the highest recommended foundations was Clarins Everlasting Foundation and so when I went into my local Debenhams, I just had to purchase both of these products, much to the disliking of my bank balance. However, I knew from the minute I put the product on that it was good because it felt nice and my face looked smooth and what i'd been aiming for.

I have no pictures currently as they are all on my friends camera, but I'll get around to it eventually. 

After running around town all day which is a tiring enough experience without the added emotional stress I was feeling, I then travelled 60 miles to go to my friends house for a night out, which was good and quite hilarious in the end, but we are all suffering today because we had to get up again this morning at 7am to make it work for 10 - well some of us did anyway. We are crazy, but you only live once.


So right now, I'm tired, emotional and my stomachs feeling a wee bit worse for wear. So I'm going to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better, even if I do have to do another 8hr long shift. Needs must, I suppose. 


Until tomorrow if I remember, if not the day after,
Sami


p.s The title quote is from Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing which I have no clue about but thought it was rather apt.

p.p.s Since instagram was finally released on Android, I got it, so add me, paperdollx, or if you have draw something, add me there too, same username i believe. 

Books & Stress & Life

So I did plan on doing BEDA and then proceeded to forget about it yesterday because I was exhausted and also busy.  I was working until half five then I went to see the 90s hit band, Steps which was what it was. Interesting definitely, I had a good time though.

However I'm going through the process of the after-math of a break-up and it's stressful and sad and I am trying to deal with it. Im going out tomorrow night to get drunk with some friends to cheer myself up.

Moving on, I wanted to talk about some good books I've read lately, some you may or may not have heard about. 

The first one is The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

Seriously, this book is amazing. Even if you have never heard or read any of John's books before, you need to seriously get your hands on a copy of this.

You will laugh and then you will cry.

The story follows Hazel and Augustus, two young teens who are living with cancer and how they attempt to live normal lives even though they know that they have a limited number of days.

 I'm not going to tell you anymore than that because you just need to go read it and then come back and talk to me about it so we can nerd out together. Also, if you have a youtube account, John and his brother Hank have a youtube channel were they each make a video once a week and they are just awesome human beings and I am always interested in everything they have to say, so check that out at youtube.com/vlogbrothers. 

The next book is I want to tell you about is Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. This book was recently made into a movie which I haven't seen yet and Im not sure that I will because I haven't heard good things about it and I dont want to take away from the book experience which was really good.

This book follows a young boy named Oskar Schell in the aftermath of losing his father in the 9/11 tragedy. 

At first I was confused as to the style the book was written because every chapter comes from different narrators, either Oskar himself, his grandad or grandma and it wasn't immediately obvious to me, but I got there in the end. 

I cant exactly put my finger on what I loved about this book, but the story is compelling and there are some brilliant one-liners that struck a chord with me and once I got into it, I found it hard to put down. I will definitely be looking into Foer's other books. I've heard good things about Everything is Illuminated. If you have read any of his books, please do let me know what you think. 

So there you have it, go get your hands on these books, from waterstones, or barnes & noble, or go add them to your amazon basket right now. You know you need too.

As for me, I'm going to leave you with one of my favourite quotes, that's helping me get through what I'm going through, both of which the above novelists have said in different ways:

"It's the tragedy of loving, you can never love anything more than something you miss." - Foer

"You can love someone so much. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them." - Green

Happy Beda!

Hello blog readers!
I bet this post comes as a surprise since i've been gone for the whole month of march but i've been dealing with things in my life and i'm on way to sorting them out, one step at a time.

Since writing is on my list of things to get around too and its now the lovely month of April that can mean only one thing, blog everyday April is happening right here!

Yes that's right, everyday this month you'll be hearing from me or maybe someone I've bullied into writing a post for me.

This post is short and sweet because its Sunday and while most of you are using it as.your day of rest, I have to work! Which is especially unfortunate today because the sun is shining. 

Well ill see you on the flip side!
Sami