Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Like Lightning

I know, I said I'd update more than I have, but life gets in the way, so you can just deal with it. I'm here now, aren't I? :).

I've always felt, as a writer, that I needed a bit more life experience in order to write something decent and made of awesome. I feel like experiencing life, gives you more ideas and views on the world that you can take into consideration and maybe put into your writing. Now though, it's my turn to be doing the whole 'this is real life' thing and not the student bubble that I've lived in for the better part of the past 3 years and you know what, I never expected it to be this hard.

Most of my friends are now more than an hour away from me and I know, an hour + is not a whole lot of time, but it does make a difference. They are altogether and I'm here, working my ass off and sleeping and trying to keep social appearances up as much as I can. I miss them though and I miss my life, I miss waking up in my bed and staring at my beautiful blue wall and then bopping into my house-mates room and getting her out of bed and I miss going down to the promenade for ice-cream and lazing around in oversized jumpers, onesies, nightgowns and duvets because its so cold and the most heat generated is the one from the laptop that you are supposed to be studying on except you keep refreshing facebook instead, hoping something interesting is going to happen.

I thought I was prepared for the sadness and longing that I now feel but I am so not. All the little updates of what they are doing, while keeping me informed and making me smile most of the time still feel like a little kick to the heart. I feel like I should be there with them doing all the things we've done before, but better. I think some of this sadness also stems from the fact that I'm working a full-time job that is completely unrelated to my degree. I think I had imagined falling into some amazing job that allows me to write and travel and see my friends more often but with the economy the way it is, it's just impossible to find any job that is even remotely related. Also because of where I am located, there isn't a big market for the mass media, there are a couple of magazines and newspapers and media companies, but nothing compared to what it is elsewhere.

I mean, I know my life could be much much worse, but having been a part of something, of a bigger community for 3 years of my life, feeling like I belonged and had people around me who take care of each other, it's just a little strange and sad to be on the outside, watching.  I promised myself that I would try and keep my emotions off my blog, but I can't seem to get anything else out without writing about how I feel about this first. I'm hoping getting this off my chest, will help. 

I know life doesn't work out the way we want it too most of the time and there are always detours and twisted paths and obstacles to face and that this is just one of them, I just wished for something more. The hardest part is knowing that I'm not there, that this year is not something I can be a part of like I was. I'll be the friend who drops in when she can, coming in like lightning, leaving a small blinding flash and leaving again before you can figure out what it really was and while it's hard, I'll take being a small flash of lightning over being nothing.

So friends,you know who you are, I love you and I miss you and I hope you take the time to think about me from time to time - oh and I'll be by tomorrow, like lightning. 

See you then.
Sami

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